


how do I love thee (let me count the ways)

by inamamagic



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 04:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5898997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inamamagic/pseuds/inamamagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Petra is never really very vocal about her feelings. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love Jane any less.</p><p>Title taken from Sonnet 43, by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.</p><p>(Written during the airing of S2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	how do I love thee (let me count the ways)

When Jane first makes Petra a grilled cheese sandwich on their third date (Mateo and the twins are with Rafael), she can’t help but notice that Petra wrinkles her nose ever so slightly just as she takes her first bite. She watches, her own sandwich untouched, as Petra chews slowly, taking a big gulp of soda before swallowing.

“So?” she asks. “How is it?”

Petra gives her a strained smile.

“It’s good,” she says.

With a sinking feeling of disappointment, Jane turns the volume up on the TV, and tries to ignore the fact that Petra drains her soda before she's even a quarter of the way through her sandwich. She has a pained expression on her face all night as she chews, as though working her way through tough rubber, but she smiles and laughs and talks about the show they’re watching. She refills her soda once, and then again, and again, and through her embarrassment, Jane is half curious as to how on earth she is managing to eat at all.

Her heart feels like its crumbling, and she has half a mind to tell Petra that she doesn’t have to eat the sandwich if she doesn’t want to, but she stays quiet.

Still, at the end of the night, Petra's plate is scraped clean. Cleaner than Jane’s even. She chats happily while they do the washing up and kisses Jane goodnight before leaving.

The next morning, when she goes to Rafael’s to pick up Mateo, Jane learns that Petra is not partial to grilled cheese sandwiches.

And by ‘not partial’, he means she hates them. Apparently it’s one of the foods she is very vocal about not eating. Ever.

Her crumbling heart fuses back together. She never makes Petra a grilled cheese sandwich again.

 

***

 

They’re taking a stroll on the beach and Jane absolutely cannot stop raving about Isabel Allende. Petra smiles and tries to keep up with the conversation, asking Jane a lot of questions, but Jane knows she’s on her own here; Petra’s no great reader. The last thing she read (and Jane knows this, because she was there when it happened) was the September issue of TIME Magazine.

It’s especially difficult for her to find time to read more than business proposals and the occasional magazine, since the Marbella has been swamped with events and she and Rafael have been up to their elbows in work. Jane barely sees her most days, and Petra is usually too tired at night, often falling asleep right in the middle of their conversations.

One afternoon, Jane goes into Petra’s office to drop something off, and spots a copy of _The House of the Spirits_ on her desk. There is a bookmark sticking out of what looks like page five. A spark of elation flickers through her before she wonders if it’s even Petra’s, but she can’t be too sure, so she doesn’t ask.

The book remains on Petra’s desk for three consecutive months, the bookmark moving steadily closer to the end, and when Jane finally plucks up the courage to ask Petra if she’s actually reading it, all she gets in return is a secret smile.

 

***

 

The Marbella hosts a charity benefit, and Rafael and Petra are working themselves ragged, which leads to Petra continuously cancelling plans as emergencies keep getting in the way. Frustrated, Jane tells her that maybe they shouldn’t bother seeing each other for a while. Petra doesn’t say anything to that, and Jane leaves the room in tears.

On the night of the benefit, Rafael calls her and asks her if she’s coming. Jane doesn’t want to anymore, even though her dress is still hanging on a hook on the closet door. She knows that seeing Petra there will only make everything worse.

Rafael tells her that Petra won’t be there. This only makes Jane feel ten times worse.

She goes anyway. Xo pushes her out of the house, insisting that she take some time off from wallowing. Alba threatens not to let her back in until she’s spent at least an hour outside. So Jane goes. And Petra isn’t there.

Someone that _is_ there however, is Isabel Allende, and this is enough to make Jane _almost_ forget about her heartbreak. Knowing that she won’t be able to tell Petra everything that happened after the party is the only thing that dampens her enthusiasm, but she tries to smile because, this is one of her favourite authors ever, and if she doesn’t make the best of it, what kind of person does that make her?

A damn fool, that’s what, especially when Rafael finds her later and, after asking whether she’s met Isabel, mentions that Petra insisted on having her at the benefit. He gives her a knowing look and walks away, and Jane sits frozen on her barstool for a good minute before sprinting up to Petra’s suite and banging on the door.

Petra opens the door and Jane falls into her arms.

***

 

When Jane decides to take three whole months to really push out her novel, Xo and Alba are hesitant, and worry that she will end up pushing herself over the edge instead. Petra on the other hand, squeezes Jane’s shoulder, tells her she believes in her, and stays up the whole night helping Jane work through the logistics of her new calendar.

The downside to prioritising her book? Having less time to spend with Mateo.

It’s a decision that almost shatters her, but, as Alba says, it’s only three months, and if she doesn’t get it done, she may never find the time.

It’s not like Jane doesn’t have time to spend with Mateo, it’s just - less than usual. She cries herself to sleep over it for weeks.

When she finally buckles down and starts writing, it’s Petra that helps pick up Mateo from kindergarten and drop him back home again, and it’s Petra that takes him to the park with the twins, and it’s Petra that takes him to the hospital when he bangs his head on the slide and cracks his head open.

Jane nearly gives up on her novel at this point, but Petra tells her through guilty eyes that it could’ve happened even if she was at the park with him.

One afternoon, Mateo comes back from kindergarten with a drawing for her. It’s a pink and brown blob with a bright blue rectangle next to a bunch of grey squares. Jane lifts him onto her lap and asks him what it’s about, and he tells her that he’s drawn his Supermom Jane, who’s gonna be writing the best book in the world.

Through her tears, Jane asks him if he’d came up with it himself, but he shakes his head and tells her that Aunt Petra told him that his mom was the best writer in the world.

Jane can’t stop crying when she goes to bed, but this time, it’s for an entirely different reason.

 

***

 

Alba suddenly collapses in the middle of dinner one evening. Jane can barely keep herself together as she dials everyone with shaking hands. Every nerve, every tendon in her body seems like it might snap under the strain. Rafael rushes over to take Mateo whilst she and Xo head to the hospital.

Petra’s already there when they arrive. Jane is shivering with worry and clings onto her when they take Alba away. The night is long and the sting of sleep reaches her eyes long before they’re able to see Alba.

Over the next few days, Xo, Rogelio, and Jane take shifts at the hospital. Petra flits in and out anxiously, but doesn’t usually stick around, and this begins to weigh on Jane’s mind almost as much as Alba’s health. She refuses to go home and rest unless Xiomara and Rogelio force her to leave. Rafael usually drives her home.

But whenever she does arrive home, there’s always a hot meal waiting on the table. The house is spotless, with the bedclothes changed, the laundry all done and folded in neat piles, and all Jane ever has to do is go to bed, wake up, and go right back to the hospital.

Petra brings Mateo to see Jane for about an hour or two each day, and once Alba begins to recover, she stays with him at the hospital for longer periods of time, sometimes sitting with him in the room with Alba while Jane and Xo stress over the bills.

When it’s time for Alba to leave, they’re at their wits end trying to figure out what to do. Even though Rogelio has been more fiscally responsible, he’s still nowhere near where he was, and cannot contribute enough to cover the cost of a month long stay.

The nurse however, informs them cheerfully that all the finances have been taken care of, and that all they need to do is take Alba home. Jane is dumbstruck, and has to sit down for a moment, but Xo takes her hand and squeezes it.

 

***

 

“Mom?” says Jane one afternoon, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table.

“What is it, honey?” ask Xo. Alba, who’s just walked in, gives her a questioning look. Xo shrugs.

“Petra rarely tells me she loves me,” says Jane, trying to keep her voice even, despite the ever-growing lump in her throat. “I say it all the time, but she – she just nods and kisses me, and I just wonder…”

She takes a deep shuddering breath. Alba sighs and smiles, sitting down next to Jane and Xo stifles a small laugh.

Jane looks at her mother, and her grandmother, who’re both smiling conspiratorially as though they’re in on some big secret that she doesn’t know about. She frowns in confusion.

“Oh honey,” says Xo, taking her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. “She doesn’t need to.”

Jane’s heart begins to settle.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to point out any errors in the text. Thanks for reading :)


End file.
